Jun 2, 2011

True Friends

I was taking a sick day, writing a blog post from bed when I got the bad news, so that post will have to wait. A friend called with bad news about another friend.

In the years since Ainsley's birth I could not get by without the support of my friends on the Tracheostomy.com  support forum. The support it provides is a lifeline. Literally. Those who don't need that kind of support may not be able to understand it. These people are there through surgeries, medical testing, the hard times as well as to share the silly passings of everyday.  Some of these people are truly my friends even though I've never met them face to face. They are the ones who I know really care about me and my family.

At times during this journey I have questioned who my true friends are. There are a lot of things we think that a friend should do or be. A friend may not always deliver. Does this mean they are not a true friend? The subject of what makes a friend also came up this week as Evie is missing her old friends and trying to make new friends since our recent move. Can a friend be a friend if you don't see them as often, what if you never met them, what if you had a fight and miss them but haven't talked to them? There are so many ways that friendships vary. After giving it a lot of thought and today's events I think a friend is someone who knows our faults but loves us anyway. It's as simple as that.

Yesterday I was congratulating my friend Karin, from the trach forum, on the birth of her second son. After years of having a child with medical issues she deserved for things to be easy. Unfortunately she suffered an amniotic fluid embolism in the night and is not expected to live. Even though I never met her face to face I consider her a true friend and am devastated. Life can deal the unexpected. Tell your friends what they mean to you.

*Updated to say that Karin passed peacefully later that day. Here is the link to her obituary. If you feel inclinded please donate funds to her boys college fund at any Bank of America with the names Alex and Bryce Kincaid (father Mark Kincaid). On top of the cold virus I already had Ainsley picked up a super nasty stomach virus at the zoo and it's making it's way through our family. If I haven't yet contacted you to tell you that I love you, please know that I do.


  1. Susan - the connection with the people on the trach forum is like no other. I've met many people from the board in person and each and every time, our first meeting is like a meeting of old friends. The comfort we have with each other and the ease with which we can talk is so incredibly special. I've been on the trach board for 11 years now and over the years we've lost many children, but never a mom. The loss of Karin is felt so deeply because she is one of us, one of our sorority sisters. This is going to be a tough one to deal with. You are a great friend Susan and I look forward to the day you and I get to meet in person.

    Many hugs and feel better soon.

  2. That's so sad. My heart and prayers go out to the family of your friend and especially to her children.

  3. Susan, thanks for your words.
    As much as it can really suck sometimes there are so many positives, and I think the positives by far outweigh the negatives, one of the positives that I include in my list is I got to meet you.

    I cannot imagine what Karin's husband is going through right now, and her oldest son. I love our little trach community and the way they these beautiful souls rally for one another is just heart warming. What a wonderful on line community we belong to, we are blessed in that way also.
    I just wish things made sense and we had reasons to all of this unknown.

    All the love in the universe from me to you.
    I love you too my friend.

  4. So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, and I can't imagine what pain her family is going through also. It really doesn't seem fair.