Feb 2, 2010

Unexpected Visitor - Grief

I think this is the first time I've posted a link to another blogger's post. It's a surprisingly amusing post titled Grief by Heather Schichtel from the Hopeful Parents blog. I hope you read it and like it. I thought this was so well written and appropriate for today because....

I awoke this morning from a sound sleep to my dear husband handing me the phone. It was Children's Hospital returning several messages I left last week about getting in to see the Neurodevelopmental Clinic. It's a little challenging to wake up and have a conversation about neurological development while not letting on that you were actually...asleep.

After that conversation and multiple other calls about this, today, I'm still not sure I am actually any closer to having an appointment scheduled that might reveal the answers I'm seeking - will my child be able to walk, talk, function on her own in the world some day? I know in my heart of hearts that I am unlikely to receive anything more enlightening than the previous prognosis of "Ainsley is teaching us about herself. We'll have to wait and see." which is really just a fancy way doctors have of saying "We have no idea." But I have to try. Maybe another brain scan plus a clinical assessment from a neurologist or physiatrist would yield answers. I spent another good chunk of my morning trying to locate diapers that fit since she is too big (38" and 41lb) for size 6's,the largest size sold at the stores. For the past 2 months I've been working with a medical supplier, trying different options, and so far I'm just getting a lot of leaks, including a leak on the crib this morning.

I should be out of the house making the most of the time I have with our nurse here to care for Ainsley (she's staying home from school to keep her well for Monday's surgery). Instead I just can't get past dealing with all her medically related stuff. Blah! Then just now by chance I happened to read Heather's post and then realized that grief was visiting me today. But he knows I don't like him very much and was trying to quietly hide in the corner watching me this busy morning hoping I wouldn't notice him. All I have to say is "Grief, I've got the veggies for Ainsley's food cooked and as soon as I make her blenderized formula I'm outta' here and you are NOT welcome to tag along!"


  1. Brandon has encopresis and is 50+ lbs. I get him the Goodnights in a small and they are a perfect fit. Costs about the same as regular diapers. They are diaper type material and go on like a pull up with tear off sides. Maybe they will be an option. You can go on their website and get free samples.


  2. Susan big hugs going out to you, sometimes it is hard to smack that sneaky little critter grief away.
    Me, I find I go through phases, mostly I mourn for memories that were robbed from me.


  3. Susan,
    You know that I am right there with ya! Those roller coasters of emotions are so hard and you know that I am at a low point too. It is so good to know I am not alone! What is half way between WA and MI, can't we meet there and grieve together? Hang in there!